Saturday, May 1, 2010

My Thoughts and Hopes

I have been doing some reading of others post and listening to them. I can say a lot of points are out there in good ways. I have taken some time to reflect back on my own life and the things I have done. I don't know where my path leads e right now. The trial of it has been real hard and shadow with doubt. I try so much to keep my head above the massive flow of endless waters. I know that a life line will come some day soon but till then I shall keep trying I will push to make my self better to grow to get stronger.

I know that as I do all this I have to look back and say I was that person but I am stronger. I told ever body here that I do have a minor child in the house and how she is learning about who I am as a parent and a person. I don't expose her to things that will harm her. But I do let her know that I will always be both who I am and the biggest thing I will always be her father.  In her eyes I am both the mother and father. I may not have the right body parts to show I am the mother  but she knows that I am that. I can say that she has been around this kind of deal well since she was very little and knows me better than any body.

I have read exposing a child at a young age to this kind of deal might hurt or help them. I can say I on a learning curve with. I don't change in front of her but she does see me dress as a woman. She loves my outfits and like my self she loves shoes. She does help me pick out day to day wear some time with her own little taste and ideals. I give her much credit as I do my own self.

I know that some may crush my thoughts of exposing my child to a lifestyle like this but I can't go around and hide it from her. My own parents did  things that where out sight of us kids but we came upon them by accident and shock. I can't hide that I love dressing like a woman feeling the freedom to express that in how I dress from her. That would only be showing that I'm a half dad to her. I can't be a half parent and have dark secrets from her. I have to become more open with my life so when my time come in the end I will not fear to let things out or have any hidden truths. My won family that do know have turned away from me. I have very few on my side in my own family.  So I reach out to people to express my joys to get the comfort of knowing that there are others like me in this world that enjoy it the same way I do.

I do embrace any thoughts that share with me. I enjoy the good along with the bad. I know I still fear the people around here finding that the once kind heart man that lives among them has a secret. I fear that they would not understand or be very upset with how they came to find out. I strive to lead a normal life in  my own way. I'm not a man I'm not a woman but a person with flesh and blood. I embrace my spark as it became one. I am a person that enjoys dressing like a  woman with the the nature made male body. I am human. I don't want to be any thing more than who I am.


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