Friday, May 7, 2010

Am I being brave or following my own path?

I can say that when I started to do this I was scared about it. I did think any body would connect to me or read what I write. Then I started to branch out make friends and things. That gave me hope and spirit to do more. I have been trying to make things clear about what I am here for. I can say that I see allot out there putting their own face to this world and time for me to do the same thing. I can say that I have been doing some reinventing of my self and the world around me. I'm taking more daring step in the day light hours around where I live to dress up as a woman. I'm letting go of my shadow past that I had about this side of my life and building things up. No I'm not going to go out and have my sex changed sorry but that's not me.

I love having what god gave me and all but I have final fused my spark of my male and female side to make one whole person. I'm not a man trapped in a woman's body and I am not a woman trapped in a mans body. I final  like the act of dressing like a woman and its some thing that comes natural like breathing air or taking a walk.My taste for this life is mine own. i know that there has been many that came before me and blazed a path other gender boundaries breaking but guess what its time for me to break my own boundaries as a person. Like any person I have feelings I have hopes but its based on what I want out of this life not what some body made me do or what some body before me did. The path less traveled is where you will find me. Building there for any to follow or any to help on this adventure called life.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Finally Breaking My Gound.

I am taking bold step in my path show who I am and becoming out of my shell. I have talked about doing so but never have done it. I have final come out of my shell and started to do things more strongly. I can say the time form my fear has come and gone. Time for a new person to stand fast and let my face be seen. I am final doing less talking and more action. I know that I want to do outside shoot and some of my dress's too. I final have guts to show my face and let it be know I am a person of flesh and blood and not a bad looker too. But things has to get better for me to dig in more let things be know to my family. I do fear that they want to take my kid away from me if they find out. They would think Im a sexual freak and charge that at me.I ask people please do just talk to me listen to me as I have listen to you give me feed back please so I have ideals to run with.

My Thoughts and Hopes

I have been doing some reading of others post and listening to them. I can say a lot of points are out there in good ways. I have taken some time to reflect back on my own life and the things I have done. I don't know where my path leads e right now. The trial of it has been real hard and shadow with doubt. I try so much to keep my head above the massive flow of endless waters. I know that a life line will come some day soon but till then I shall keep trying I will push to make my self better to grow to get stronger.

I know that as I do all this I have to look back and say I was that person but I am stronger. I told ever body here that I do have a minor child in the house and how she is learning about who I am as a parent and a person. I don't expose her to things that will harm her. But I do let her know that I will always be both who I am and the biggest thing I will always be her father.  In her eyes I am both the mother and father. I may not have the right body parts to show I am the mother  but she knows that I am that. I can say that she has been around this kind of deal well since she was very little and knows me better than any body.

I have read exposing a child at a young age to this kind of deal might hurt or help them. I can say I on a learning curve with. I don't change in front of her but she does see me dress as a woman. She loves my outfits and like my self she loves shoes. She does help me pick out day to day wear some time with her own little taste and ideals. I give her much credit as I do my own self.

I know that some may crush my thoughts of exposing my child to a lifestyle like this but I can't go around and hide it from her. My own parents did  things that where out sight of us kids but we came upon them by accident and shock. I can't hide that I love dressing like a woman feeling the freedom to express that in how I dress from her. That would only be showing that I'm a half dad to her. I can't be a half parent and have dark secrets from her. I have to become more open with my life so when my time come in the end I will not fear to let things out or have any hidden truths. My won family that do know have turned away from me. I have very few on my side in my own family.  So I reach out to people to express my joys to get the comfort of knowing that there are others like me in this world that enjoy it the same way I do.

I do embrace any thoughts that share with me. I enjoy the good along with the bad. I know I still fear the people around here finding that the once kind heart man that lives among them has a secret. I fear that they would not understand or be very upset with how they came to find out. I strive to lead a normal life in  my own way. I'm not a man I'm not a woman but a person with flesh and blood. I embrace my spark as it became one. I am a person that enjoys dressing like a  woman with the the nature made male body. I am human. I don't want to be any thing more than who I am.