I guess that I have been doing some soul searching and well things have gotten crazy along my path. I have only done a few trips outside since the start of winter and haven't made to much more any more. I guess that I am back on the fence line thinking about things. I guess that I have been trying so hard to move forward and be more bolder with things. I have had to put things under wrap cause of fear  about some body finding out and turning it in to a BS fight on my life style. I have found that my life is a twisting and turning life fulled of fear and hidden truths  I haven't let try to let any more in to my little world since the breaking up of my GF. That has been a year or so ago to afraid to let any body see past my one shell. I feel like my circle is grown like a hang mans rope around my neck waitiing for some body to hang me up and out to dye and dry.

I have been working alot of hours at my job trying to take care of the home and with holidays knocking on the door its no fun any more. I think that I should use this to vent to express my self but so far late at night I find my thoughts are random. I mean that I do have to hide that I wear female clothing from most on lookers around me and at work too. I have lately gotten to the point where I mix and match some clothing to bring my self around. There are days that I have gotten almost full dressed up but for make up. I choose one day to have my hair cut short and dont know why I did it. I find that my self is lost in the every change of life now. I find that the same old me just getting mixed in to some body new and a little odd . I guess that I am fearing the changes cause I don't want to really know that well my life has changed or that my being is growing. I do find that my little girl is taking a new liking to seeing me dressed up like a woman its kind of a bond that we share. I share this bond with a few family member but I am so badly wanting to come out and say hey I'm a cross-dresser and very much proud of it. I love wearing woman clothing and shoes cause they are so very off limits but also cause they let me express my own personal freedom. If any body gets a personal ideal for a photo of family ho ho cards to well let the news out to the family then please share it with me.

I can say that I have slowly gotten back in to doing my own little things around the house and plus adding some new things on my way home. I mean that I wait till the coast is clear before I change my outfit from the hard working male to a gentle but kind hearted female or the any thing along those lines. I have tried on many outfits and put together some real nice ones. I drive home dressed up letting other drivers see me as the female side while on the way to work people see me as the working male. I know that I have chosen a duel side kind of life style that some may question me about. i can say that I have final feel some freedom and realism of the life I live. I mean for the longest time I have to hide every thing from any body and every body. I didn't want to chance that some body would take what I do wrongly.  I find that now that I have gotten back in to my normal deal things will be more settled. I think that I shall start writing more t reflect back on my life changing times and what events was or had happen in my life to make me who I am today.

I can say that I have been busy with work and plus many other things around my house too. I do take some time to enjoy a nice little dress up time to fell alive some times. I find that walking around in heels have chanced a little when I walking some thing with out a high heel. My hips move different than what would call normal. I cant say that I notice it till now that they swing as I walk when I take my normal steps. I also notice that my upper chest has started to grow but not cause of the heavy lifting I do  at work but with a little help from under support things have gotten a little more giggly. I guess that I didn't notice the minor little things cause I  they seem normal to me. Then I final got a good look that things I over looked some other people took notice. A friend I'd worked with for a couple of years notice that my chest has started to get bigger which is funny. I find that maybe I should take more notice to some things and watch how people see me as a person before I do too much changes. I can say that around my house things are normal life semi-female attire is the normal thing. I have also been including little outside step around my town to build up some comfort zones too where I can have a little more breathing space.

I can say that I had to take some time away from here to do some thinking on things. I did try to change for some body and well it turned out they tried to change me instead. I found out that some body that I thought I could get along with turned out to be some body that wasn't open minded to some body like me. I then slowed down to come back down to earth. I then found the one person that I thought had been lost to me was waiting to take me back after all the time. I can say that she took me back with open arms. I can say that I have been also having talking time with some of my long distance family getting some good things are looking up. I find that they like how we now have a common ground to talk about. I mean one day my cousin asked me about some fashion tips and she liked how I paired out a very nice outfit for her. I can say that this made me feel so good inside about that. I can say that I will be having more open time to give tips to her and plus she will do the same for me too.

I can say that when I started to do this I was scared about it. I did think any body would connect to me or read what I write. Then I started to branch out make friends and things. That gave me hope and spirit to do more. I have been trying to make things clear about what I am here for. I can say that I see allot out there putting their own face to this world and time for me to do the same thing. I can say that I have been doing some reinventing of my self and the world around me. I'm taking more daring step in the day light hours around where I live to dress up as a woman. I'm letting go of my shadow past that I had about this side of my life and building things up. No I'm not going to go out and have my sex changed sorry but that's not me.

I love having what god gave me and all but I have final fused my spark of my male and female side to make one whole person. I'm not a man trapped in a woman's body and I am not a woman trapped in a mans body. I final  like the act of dressing like a woman and its some thing that comes natural like breathing air or taking a walk.My taste for this life is mine own. i know that there has been many that came before me and blazed a path other gender boundaries breaking but guess what its time for me to break my own boundaries as a person. Like any person I have feelings I have hopes but its based on what I want out of this life not what some body made me do or what some body before me did. The path less traveled is where you will find me. Building there for any to follow or any to help on this adventure called life.

I am taking bold step in my path show who I am and becoming out of my shell. I have talked about doing so but never have done it. I have final come out of my shell and started to do things more strongly. I can say the time form my fear has come and gone. Time for a new person to stand fast and let my face be seen. I am final doing less talking and more action. I know that I want to do outside shoot and some of my dress's too. I final have guts to show my face and let it be know I am a person of flesh and blood and not a bad looker too. But things has to get better for me to dig in more let things be know to my family. I do fear that they want to take my kid away from me if they find out. They would think Im a sexual freak and charge that at me.I ask people please do just talk to me listen to me as I have listen to you give me feed back please so I have ideals to run with.