I can say that I had to take some time away from here to do some thinking on things. I did try to change for some body and well it turned out they tried to change me instead. I found out that some body that I thought I could get along with turned out to be some body that wasn't open minded to some body like me. I then slowed down to come back down to earth. I then found the one person that I thought had been lost to me was waiting to take me back after all the time. I can say that she took me back with open arms. I can say that I have been also having talking time with some of my long distance family getting some good things are looking up. I find that they like how we now have a common ground to talk about. I mean one day my cousin asked me about some fashion tips and she liked how I paired out a very nice outfit for her. I can say that this made me feel so good inside about that. I can say that I will be having more open time to give tips to her and plus she will do the same for me too.

I can say that when I started to do this I was scared about it. I did think any body would connect to me or read what I write. Then I started to branch out make friends and things. That gave me hope and spirit to do more. I have been trying to make things clear about what I am here for. I can say that I see allot out there putting their own face to this world and time for me to do the same thing. I can say that I have been doing some reinventing of my self and the world around me. I'm taking more daring step in the day light hours around where I live to dress up as a woman. I'm letting go of my shadow past that I had about this side of my life and building things up. No I'm not going to go out and have my sex changed sorry but that's not me.

I love having what god gave me and all but I have final fused my spark of my male and female side to make one whole person. I'm not a man trapped in a woman's body and I am not a woman trapped in a mans body. I final  like the act of dressing like a woman and its some thing that comes natural like breathing air or taking a walk.My taste for this life is mine own. i know that there has been many that came before me and blazed a path other gender boundaries breaking but guess what its time for me to break my own boundaries as a person. Like any person I have feelings I have hopes but its based on what I want out of this life not what some body made me do or what some body before me did. The path less traveled is where you will find me. Building there for any to follow or any to help on this adventure called life.

I am taking bold step in my path show who I am and becoming out of my shell. I have talked about doing so but never have done it. I have final come out of my shell and started to do things more strongly. I can say the time form my fear has come and gone. Time for a new person to stand fast and let my face be seen. I am final doing less talking and more action. I know that I want to do outside shoot and some of my dress's too. I final have guts to show my face and let it be know I am a person of flesh and blood and not a bad looker too. But things has to get better for me to dig in more let things be know to my family. I do fear that they want to take my kid away from me if they find out. They would think Im a sexual freak and charge that at me.I ask people please do just talk to me listen to me as I have listen to you give me feed back please so I have ideals to run with.

I have been doing some reading of others post and listening to them. I can say a lot of points are out there in good ways. I have taken some time to reflect back on my own life and the things I have done. I don't know where my path leads e right now. The trial of it has been real hard and shadow with doubt. I try so much to keep my head above the massive flow of endless waters. I know that a life line will come some day soon but till then I shall keep trying I will push to make my self better to grow to get stronger.

I know that as I do all this I have to look back and say I was that person but I am stronger. I told ever body here that I do have a minor child in the house and how she is learning about who I am as a parent and a person. I don't expose her to things that will harm her. But I do let her know that I will always be both who I am and the biggest thing I will always be her father.  In her eyes I am both the mother and father. I may not have the right body parts to show I am the mother  but she knows that I am that. I can say that she has been around this kind of deal well since she was very little and knows me better than any body.

I have read exposing a child at a young age to this kind of deal might hurt or help them. I can say I on a learning curve with. I don't change in front of her but she does see me dress as a woman. She loves my outfits and like my self she loves shoes. She does help me pick out day to day wear some time with her own little taste and ideals. I give her much credit as I do my own self.

I know that some may crush my thoughts of exposing my child to a lifestyle like this but I can't go around and hide it from her. My own parents did  things that where out sight of us kids but we came upon them by accident and shock. I can't hide that I love dressing like a woman feeling the freedom to express that in how I dress from her. That would only be showing that I'm a half dad to her. I can't be a half parent and have dark secrets from her. I have to become more open with my life so when my time come in the end I will not fear to let things out or have any hidden truths. My won family that do know have turned away from me. I have very few on my side in my own family.  So I reach out to people to express my joys to get the comfort of knowing that there are others like me in this world that enjoy it the same way I do.

I do embrace any thoughts that share with me. I enjoy the good along with the bad. I know I still fear the people around here finding that the once kind heart man that lives among them has a secret. I fear that they would not understand or be very upset with how they came to find out. I strive to lead a normal life in  my own way. I'm not a man I'm not a woman but a person with flesh and blood. I embrace my spark as it became one. I am a person that enjoys dressing like a  woman with the the nature made male body. I am human. I don't want to be any thing more than who I am.

I so badly wanted to do my own little picture shoot in part of my house but after working so long on the yard and working late nit's just took its toll. I will so deeply try to make it up and do it. I have older picture but none look good enough to post on any where. I also will have to try to do some work with my yahoo group to get more people to join there. I'm trying so hard to make things simple fly in to place but all it looks like is a big bird splat on my windshield. The flavor is got to be there or I just lose interest in it. Got to have spice of life to show who I am.

I am me hear me roar. I shall try to venture out in this big world and make my voice heard. i will not pass in to the nit like crying howls of a wolf. I shall raise my hands to the sky to embrace my joy and embark on this new journey I call LIFE. Ladies please take a stand don't let silence be your voice. Speak your mind challenge your self each day to get stronger smarter. If one door close hope will open one more for you.

I can say that today was a fun time. I got on my way home from work when I notice that my van was starting to over heat. I thought oh this not what I wanted to face on my way home right now. Lucky me I had packed a couple of jugs of coolant to hold over till I got home. Thats not the real trick but what how I was dressed was the real trick. I was wearing a knee length black dress and a pair of my favorite heels. I pulled over to put the coolant in and trying to keep the wind from lifting my dress up was fun.

There is so much more that I had to do was trying to keep the dress down and not let every body see what I had on under it.  I almost spilled the coolant down the front of my dress and shoes too. The side of a highway is not the best place to be doing it but I had to or mess up my van. I had a laugh cause after I got every thing settled  and headed back in to the van a big truck blows by lifting the back of my dress flashing every body my rear. I had a long laugh on my way home.

I can say for once I was daring enough to stop to fix the coolant deal with my van while I was dressed up. I never would have done that before. I am taking more pride in my self and feeling my freedom open up to it now. But I think the lesson I learned the most not to wear a dress on the side of the highway and  watch for big truck to fly by too. I think I today after some rest I will try to do a little picture run to see how I turn out and maybe be daring that way too to post it out there.  Time to bring Laura out to the world that just hiding in my own little house all dressed up.

I can say that I am bound to hide my self at my job due to the nature of the type of work I do. I can't express my self like I want to do so. I did when I was on one shift and then when I moved to my new shift their I had to watch what I wear. Some of them are young fools and other old men that fear change. I find my self putting my feminine clothing on under my normal work clothing. When I do that I start to get hot and bothered doing my job.

I try so hard to blend in to my surrounding  and yet things do work out like they should. I feel that I work my self to the bone to make my self blend. The people that I try to call my friends don't get what I am. I find that my life is partly hidden due to who i am. If i could be more open with people that I call my friends then I would feel a lot better.

I find that when i am fulled dressed out thing feel much better. I don't feel bound to one form like when I am at work. I have to hide that I have woman's clothing on just so I don't get teased about it. I have a big fear that some body is going to find out and then all hell will break free. Like how I work will not get trusted that line for me will be drawn. Those kind of fears lay awake in my head all nite long as I work my fingers to the bone. I hope my life will show a up side some day.